When the tears come out of nowhere, and there's no where left to run. When you shake and dread deep inside what you fear may surely come. When you try to force a smile, but forget how to hide away the pain. When you sit and overthink your life, wondering if you will be happy… Continue reading When…
They no longer walked in harmony. He thought left, she went right. He looked up, she closed her eyes. One said yes, the other said no. It was as if within the span of a day they turned opposite ways. That happens in life, I guess. Sometimes people just grow apart. They no longer danced,… Continue reading Blind
I deeply and truly need to express my gratitude to idealize blog for awarding me with The Phoenix Award, without knowing that the Phoenix itself holds such a soft close space in my heart. The post chosen for this award is perfect for this time of my life since I've been feeling oh so weak and… Continue reading The Phoenix Award
I'm not sure if I have broached the subject of rainbow babies before, or if I have really written about mine. You see Ariana, my beautiful daughter, is my rainbow baby. A rainbow baby is a baby born after a mother suffers a loss. Not long before I had Ariana I did just that. I… Continue reading Rainbows
Rocking. Forward, backward. Forward again. Back again. Hair flows onto my face, brushing my cheek. And I rock. Forward. Backward. It's rhythmic. But I am not soothed. Clutching. Holding. Clutching a pillow to my chest. Holding it. Digging into it. Clutching and rocking back and forth, back and forth, as the hair falls into my… Continue reading To miss a thing you may have lost.
I was sad today thinking about him. I don't know. I guess I was having a day full of moments of weakness where I missed him. But tonight, as I lay our children down to sleep, I realized I miss someone who was never really there. I tried so hard to save him from himself.… Continue reading I tried to save him, but in the end it wasn’t up to me to save him. He has to save himself.
You know how Facebook gives you a list of your memories, posts from other years pop up. I hate going through them because most of mine contain pictures of him or quotes about love tagging him. Today I saw a bunch of cute pictures of my daughter so I decided to look. What I didn't… Continue reading Eight years ago today…