“If your going to be with someone at least find someone better than me,” he said with a look in his eyes I couldn’t quite place. Why did he have to say that? I was fine with our break up, ready to move on, ready to let go of the last remnants of love I had for him. I deserved so much more than he would give me. I knew it. But to hear him say it too? It killed me.
We all want the fairy tale. We all want our one Prince Charming to come sweep us off our feet and lead us into our happy ever after. I had it, or so I thought. Something changed in my prince along the way and our happy ever after became lost. Nothing could mend the pieces of our broken hearts, nothing but each other and neither one of us was willing to go down that road. Fear crippled us from trying again. I couldn’t help but wonder if that extra effort was all we needed to succeed. Yet if we don’t try how will we ever know?
He was right though. I needed to be with someone better than him. I just didn’t have the energy to try to fall in love with anyone but him. It was killing me, that now I would have to find someone else… because at the end of the day … all I ever wanted was him.
I knew what I had lost, but I was curious if he knew what he was losing too? One day, I can only hope, I will find a man who will love our children and me with all his heart. He will be there every morning, every night. Every game or dance recital. Though he would always be our children’s dad, in a way I feel like he would be replaced. It’s inevitable I guess. I never wanted it that way.
Because at the end of every day, all I ever wanted was him.