change · domestic violence

Oh & not to think

I didn’t think about you tonight. For hours I focused on myself and not once did you pop into my head. And I was fine. 

The past few weeks I’ve been fighting an internal battle with myself, missing you one minute and hating you the next. I’ve gone from regret, to sadness, to acceptance back and forth over and over. I’m ready to get off the ride. I’ve been riding the roller coaster of change from being a victim towards being a survivor for weeks now. It’s caused me some unnecessary emotional pain and confusion. 

But tonight I didn’t think about you once. I didn’t think of myself as a victim, I didn’t feel lonely. I didn’t wonder how you are or what you’re doing. I didnt stop to think what might be going on your head or why you’re continuing your path of destruction. I know too much of what you do or don’t do. 

Tonight I let you go. 

Tomorrow I will try again to let you go. 

And hopefully my days morph into a pattern where you never cross my mind. Where you are not a thought. 

I’m starting to forget parts of you. Right now I struggle to remember your voice. I can’t feel your touch anymore. I wonder if I would recognize your scent. My consciousness is moving on, my heart is the problem. Yet tonight I feel like my heart is taking the necessary steps to letting you go too. 

This is a good thing for me. 

I am free. 

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5 thoughts on “Oh & not to think

  1. Free is a good place to be. Remember though, that it is both a destination and a starting point, from which all things are possible!

  2. Letting go is not easy to do but necessary to be whole. We give so much of ourselves that pieces become missing… till we let go and take back what is rightfully ours. God bless you!!

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