Last night, I took my daughter to her first dance- a 70’s themed father-daughter dance. Yes, I took her. We had a great time. We danced, Ariana played with her friends, we had snacks, we took silly pictures. It truly was a fun time and I am glad I got to experience her first dance with her.
Afterwards, she was smiling and thanking me for bringing her. She was so happy she got to go to the dance. There was one point during the dance, where the DJ asked all the dads to take their daughters to the dance floor for a special dance. Ariana grabbed me and walked over to the photo booth. Concerned, I asked her if she wanted to go dance with me. No, she replied. It’s for daddy’s only, she said. But that’s ok Mommy, she smiled. I love you and my daddy isn’t here but I have you. So it’s ok mommy. We can dance over here so my friends don’t get jealous. My beautiful five year old surprised me. She wasn’t sad about her father not being there. She was happy I was there.
My feelings aren’t so simple. I was sad, at several points of the dance, that her father wasn’t the one to bring her. I was sad for him and for her. But hearing her say that to me, I was no longer sad for her. She’s right, I realized. I am here for her. I always have been and I always will be.
However, I still feel sadness for my ex. Still sad that he missed out. Maybe he would have loved to take her but maybe he wouldn’t have. I don’t care anymore. We went, together, and we had a great time.