anger · change · creative writing · divorce · domestic violence

Why doesn’t he want me man?

Before you read my post I want you to watch this video. Even if you’ve seen it before. Watch. Then read. 

The first time I saw this I was married to a man I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with. The first I saw this I was a mother who was the only one of my friends still with the father of her children. But behind that mask was deep sorrow. You see, I don’t believe my ex ever wanted to be a father. Truthfully, he told me numerous times he didn’t. He told me he couldn’t handle the responsibility. He couldn’t be a man. He walked out on our family last summer, way before the last incident. Way before I left him. He was gone. Not physically but mentally. 

Seeing this now, after seeing the kind of man he has become, rips my heart into a million pieces. Because I know that that will be my children. Asking me why doesn’t he want me? 

What do I tell them then? 

I don’t know why he doesn’t want to be a father. I’ve never not wanted our kids. And really, how could you not? My daughter… my beautiful, intelligent, wise five year old daughter is truly amazing. She has seen her father in the worst of times and still manages to have a smile on her face. She’s forgiven him for the abuse over the years. She’s done what I can’t. My amazing little girl, with a laugh that puts a smile on everyone’s face is already asking me why daddy doesn’t help, why he doesn’t want to come home. 

And my baby boy. My little man. Too young to know what’s going on but every night asking me where’s daddy? I miss daddy. My poor boy who I never want to know about the abuse, but also can’t keep it from him. One day, when he’s older I will tell him why daddy isn’t here. But for now I just smile and distract him as best I can. 

Truly him not being around or paying child support… that doesn’t affect me. Our kids, our beautiful babies… that’s who he is hurting. I truly wonder if he knows how much, or if he’s prepared for what’s to come. 

Cause like will says in the video, they will get through the tough times without him. They will graduate and go to college and meet someone and get married and have beautiful babies of their own. And he will miss all those moments. He’s missed so much already. Our son is talking full sentences. Is almost potty trained. Our daughter learned to shower all on her own, reads, and writes. Is doing complex math at school. Her father daughter dance is Friday and I’m taking her. 

He’s missing it all. 

Why doesn’t he want them?

I don’t think that’s something I will ever know. 


7 thoughts on “Why doesn’t he want me man?

  1. The video is pretty powerful. And it’s one way that things may end up. There are plenty of other possibilities as well. Your children may grow up strong and confident and comfortable in the love their mother provided them. They may, at some point during the years of their childhood, have good, strong and decent men who provide them with the role models they need — of men who care about them for the beautiful humans they are and not about whether or not your children are interfering with their lives.

    There are many paths in the forest. Do not consign yourself and your children to the one that is the most painful.

      1. I totally get that you don’t see any other path at the moment. All I can think of is that, ultimately, if he doesn’t change his view, it is him that will lose.

        It is difficult to know how to approach the situation, but done well, your children won’t lose in this.

        The way I look at it … this is going to be harsh … but, if their father wasn’t worth knowing or having in their lives, than they don’t lose by not having him.

      1. I understand what you are saying but I just want to remind you that God has a plan and purpose for everyone of us. We can not control how others act… but I have seen how God pulls us out of situations because if we would have staying in them, God could not have blessed us. Now this was a reminder that one of my children gave me recently. Your kids will know…

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