You Only Live Once

Or so they say. But this life. The one you are living right now. This one you get one shot at. How have you done so far? Have you accomplished all you hoped to accomplish at this time in your life? Are you on the track you hoped you’d be on? If you were to die tomorrow would you have any regrets?

It’s been months since my husband has seen our children, and to be quite honest, I am not sure how I feel about it. Everyday that goes by I am sad for them. Sad that they don’t have a dad anymore. Sad that he has done nothing to better his chances of seeing them, sad I have no say in the matter. I used to feel sad for him too, not so much anymore. I spent a lot of time walking around blindly, not seeing him for who he really is. From the things I’ve heard from his friends, the fact that he hasn’t paid any support for them, and the reports I’ve been getting I don’t feel bad anymore. Disappointment is the only feeling I have towards him now. 

I’ve been forcing myself to remember the negatives of our relationship. All of them. His faults. Mine. I always excused both of our actions. I’ve always made excuses for his sickness. His ability to hit me, verbally abuse me, and feel no remorse. 

He will never change. Abusers don’t change

I accept that now. I don’t dwell on him anymore. I’ve moved on in all aspects of my life and I’ve never been happier. 

So for now, the kids and I continue to pray for him. For now I work my ass off to support them. We do something new everyday. I’ve been taking them to a new place as often as I can. We’re having fun as a family exploring Long Island. There’s so much left for us to see together and I’m looking forward to what tomorrow brings. 

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6 comments

  1. Congratulations on opening your eyes. Enjoy your kids and let them enjoy you… great post, straight from the heart; I really enjoyed it 😘🐻

  2. Those questions in the opening paragraph are hard … impossible to answer. So many regrets, so many opportunities lost.

    So, don’t live your life that way. Things happened, you made decisions. Things happened. Now move forward. I know you’ve written about how you’ve never gone anywhere and how much you want to see other places and travel. The incredible thing about your kids at the age they are is that they don’t need any of that. There is so much of the world to see in the little corner you are in. Taking them somewhere new in that little corner whenever you have the chance is an incredible way to give them experiences and exposure that is right where they need to be.

    Just keep on moving forward.

    • The only things I regret are things I didn’t do. Which is why I’m doing them now. Those questions weren’t directed towards me. I was thinking about him and wondering if he misses our kids. Or thinks about them at all.

      • The only person who will be responsible for his actions and whether he looks back in sadness later is him. You do what you’re doing. Your kids will be fine. Healthy and happy.

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