Or so they say. But this life. The one you are living right now. This one you get one shot at. How have you done so far? Have you accomplished all you hoped to accomplish at this time in your life? Are you on the track you hoped you’d be on? If you were to die tomorrow would you have any regrets?
It’s been months since my husband has seen our children, and to be quite honest, I am not sure how I feel about it. Everyday that goes by I am sad for them. Sad that they don’t have a dad anymore. Sad that he has done nothing to better his chances of seeing them, sad I have no say in the matter. I used to feel sad for him too, not so much anymore. I spent a lot of time walking around blindly, not seeing him for who he really is. From the things I’ve heard from his friends, the fact that he hasn’t paid any support for them, and the reports I’ve been getting I don’t feel bad anymore. Disappointment is the only feeling I have towards him now.
I’ve been forcing myself to remember the negatives of our relationship. All of them. His faults. Mine. I always excused both of our actions. I’ve always made excuses for his sickness. His ability to hit me, verbally abuse me, and feel no remorse.
He will never change. Abusers don’t change.
I accept that now. I don’t dwell on him anymore. I’ve moved on in all aspects of my life and I’ve never been happier.
So for now, the kids and I continue to pray for him. For now I work my ass off to support them. We do something new everyday. I’ve been taking them to a new place as often as I can. We’re having fun as a family exploring Long Island. There’s so much left for us to see together and I’m looking forward to what tomorrow brings.