Cause all you ever do is make me…

Perhaps it wasn’t anything. Maybe the whole time I thought we were in love, we weren’t. Perhaps you were just biding your time until you thought you had your hooks in me deep enough that I couldn’t escape. You did, for a time. 

I’ve come to see you for who you really are, though I spent the better part of the last ten years ignoring the signs. You are nothing more than a selfish abuser. A master manipulator. You have become adept at putting on a front for all those around you. I have never hated you until now. 

I wish you would just disappear. Leave me and our kids alone. Let us move on and be happy. 

You won’t

It’s not just you who’s been lying. I’ve been lying too. They don’t ask for you. Ever. They don’t mention your name. They don’t want to see you. They are mad at you. They feel abandoned. They think you don’t want them. I do try to get them to see past this. They are smart enough to see you for who you are. Pictures I have had of you went missing and I found them in the garbage. That wasn’t me who put them there. They are happy and alive and free now. They don’t want you here. Nor do I. 

I wonder how far down the rabbit hole you have gone. I wonder how much more selfish can you become. You refuse to support our children. You refuse to admit to your wrongs. You still blame me for your predicament, so much so you have created a false memory of the last night. It’s sad. I’m not clouded. You’re gaslighting me only this time I see it. 

It pains me to know you blame me for your faults. It’s my fault you hit me but how can that be true? It’s my fault you went to jail but how can I put you there? Your actions have created your present and until you take responsibility for it you will continue to suffer. 

I wish I never met you. 

I want to just erase you. 

Cause all you ever do is make me cry. 


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