After everything happened with my husband, I went through my entire blog. This blog only covers my writings since 2012. The one before this my husband had me delete. I noticed though, that most of my posts concerning my marriage were filled with sadness, fear, anger, disappointment, and anxiety. My entire blog has been filled with these posts. I guess I didn’t realize how unhappy I was, how abused I was, and I wonder sometimes how I didn’t see it.
But look at me now.
I have accomplished so much on my own these past few months, I have never been more proud of myself. My entire outlook on love, life, and the world around me has changed for the better. I am doing amazing and I am so unbelievably happy. We have another court date tomorrow and I no longer fear seeing him, I’m no longer nervous. I am curious about what is going to happen though. Good news is I heard he finally found a job. I’m happy for him. He seems to be trying to do what he needs to do to get his life on the right path, which is really all I’ve ever wanted for him.
I’ve been taking a deeper look into myself the past week, so much so that I suddenly feel like I never truly knew who I was. I do now though and I’m in love… with me.
I’ve never felt this way before, and I refuse to lose the feeling. I have dropped all the negativity from my life and instead of getting mad or upset I find a way to move forward. Who has time for anger when in the end the only one your anger hurts is you.
And I’m done being hurt by anyone and anything anymore.
And for the first time since this happened, I don’t feel like a victim.