You got what you wanted. 

Three weeks before the Incident we had a blow out. You told me you wanted to go out with your friends and not deal with the kids. We didn’t see or hear from you for two weeks. I should never have reached out to you after that. Your intentions were clear and I ignored them. You wanted the single life. The life of no responsibilities, no wife, no kids. I should have heard you and gave you what you wanted. 

Are you happy now? You’ve gotten exactly what you wanted. I can’t help but wonder if you have found whatever it was you were looking for. Though I didn’t give it to you intentionally, really you’ve gotten what you have been saying you want. Freedom from life as a husband and father. 

I hope you’re happy. 

For the two weeks you were gone, you told me life was a blur. Time was a blur. Hmmm. I remember every moment of your absence. Every time our children would ask for you and I would lie and say you were working. Ever the good wife, I tried to protect your reputation with our kids. 

There’s nothing I can do now to save you. Then again that’s not my job now is it. No. My job is to mother our children, provide for them, and help them to heal. 

Do you miss them? Do you miss us? Are we Still your family?

You’ve missed so much. Our son has grown out of almost all of his clothes. He is getting so tall and talks all the time. He’s become so amazing with his Legos and is doing great at preschool. He doesn’t ask where you are anymore but once in a while out of no where he will call for daddy. He’s too young to know what’s going on and too young to realize what happened. He’s been very handsy at school since but with time he will be alright. 

I’m more concerned about our daughter. Our beautiful baby girl who never went a day without asking about you hasn’t mentioned you much since it happened. But since then, she cries for no known reason, whines incessantly, misbehaves, cries in her sleep. She’s different and I’m not sure what to do to help her. Thankfully she starts counseling this week. 

I should have left you a long time ago. When you hit me the first time for whatever reason. When you pushed my face into your mattress and slapped me repeatedly. I should have left you then. Do you remember? I do. I will never forget. 


I’m trying to forget the good times but it’s hard when we have so many. I try to focus on the bad times but I can’t. The good and bad are intertwined and I can’t think of one without thinking of the other as well. 

Until next time….

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2 comments

  1. It’s interesting … I had a girlfriend in my 20’s who slapped me a number of times over the first year of our relationship. I can remember all of those events. Can’t really recall too many happy ones.

    You’ll get there, you will. Just keep moving forward and living your life without him.

    • It’s so strange not talking to him or seeing him. I don’t feel like I’m living. I feel like I’m on pause.
      He violated the order of protection on Friday and police have been searching for him since then. Don’t know what the hell is going on in his head and I know I shouldn’t care.

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