You don’t know. 

You don’t know what’s going on with me and I don’t know what’s going on with you. I imagine you are angry with me, lashing out with vile words to whoever will listen. I’m ok with that. At the end of the day you and I both know what has happened with us all these years. True, it wasn’t always bad. We had great days. We had amazing months. We had living years. But in between all the good we had some bad. Some horrible events have transpired between us. Things we both wish never happened have happened and now we are both paying the price. 

You may think this is easy for me but let me educate you on something. I am a victim of domestic violence. What does that mean? It means even though I finally had the courage to take a stand I have times where I am so sad. Times where I miss you and remember how much I still love you. I have times where I’m numb and can’t feel anything. I have times where I’m thinking of you and it hurts. And times I’m thinking of you and feel nothing. 

Life is going to get so much harder for the both of us, and unfortunately for the first time in a decade we don’t have each other to lean on. We can’t call each other and just vent or cry on each other’s shoulders anymore.

As a victim of domestic violence, these emotions are hard to process. It’s confusing and overwhelming. I’m focusing on one day at a time and our beautiful children. Our amazing wonderful children who’s lack of mentioning you or asking about you at all is troubling to me. I am grateful there are counselors available to us to help them get through this time. 

You may wonder why I’m sharing my story. It’s not to embarrass anyone. It’s not for attention. I want the ones out there, who keep silent, to know they are not alone. Help is available in so many forms. You do Not have to suffer in silence. You do not have to suffer alone. 
Www.vibs.org

1-631-360-3606

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7 comments

  1. So true! It is so confusing and overwhelming when we leave an abusive relationship but the children know and feel a peace that they never had before. Just keep walking forward into your future with God by your side.

    • I Am hanging on to god like never before. This is the hardest thing I think I’ve ever done. I am so sad and scared and overwhelmed.
      What kills me is my poor daughter, who normally always asks about her dad, has not mentioned him once. Not to me. Not to her teachers. Not to anyone. I asked her if she missed him and she just looked at me and said no and went back to playing. I don’t want her to hate her father. He needs help. More than I or anyone can give him. I pray he gets it. Isn’t that sad? Even after everything I can’t stop hoping and praying for him. It’s beyond confusing.

      • I can totally understand. I really would love for you to read my book. I felt the same confusion and fear and feelings of being totally overwhelmed. It was the point in my life that I grabbed onto God for my life… and He started showing me His Presence. I always say that He rescued me when I did not realize that I needed rescuing. I was too broken. If you email me with your address, I will send you a copy of The Walking Wounded. That is what many of us are…

  2. I appreciate your belief that your husband needs help. He does. But it’s not help you can give. It’s not help you’re responsible to give. It is up to him, and only him, whether he ever gets that help. And you can’t keep waiting for it or hoping for it. That train has left the station. In some respects, your daughter is showing the wisdom of a child and is setting an example.

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