I stayed silent…

For ten years I stayed silent, holding in the pain and abuse you used on me and burrowing it deep within my soul. I became a master at hiding away my innermost feelings, quieting my cries for help until suddenly I couldn’t do it anymore. For the decade I spent with you I endured not only physical but verbal and emotional abuse and I can’t remember a single time you apologized. Not of your own accord. I remember each and every bruise, how I got it, how you responded. I recall all the times I cried for help, only to be met with silence. Or what’s worse, I remember each time I sought help, only to change my story or recant my statement. Never have I ever went all the way. 

I feel like an empty shell right now. After you hit our five year old and then preceded to punch me in the face, I knew it was time to let you go. Time for me to change the lives of my children and I for the better. I reported you. I pressed charges. I took myself to the hospital. I took myself to get an order of protection. All of this I did without a second thought. 

I’m still numb. I fear the day all the emotions hit me. I know in sadness I am weak and I can not be weak. You made your bed and I have to let you lie in it. I am sad and sorry this is the way our life together has ended. I always thought you could change and now I know I was wrong. You can’t change. And now, I won’t even give you a chance to. 

Pray for me my friends. Pray for my children. I have no choice but to hold my own and be strong at all times. 

I had once envisioned our life as happy and full of love. Now I still envision the happiness and love, however you’re not in that vision anymore. And right now I feel nothing. 




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40 comments

    • You are a strong survivor. The abusers are always weak. Remember, domestic violence is always about power and control. My 17 yr old niece was in ICU this week due to being beaten and strangled. I hope he sees a long time away so not to hurt another. I pray that such youth does not choose the path of finding the abusive relationships to feel “loved.” As you know now, this is not love. When we share our stories, we heal and help others. I share mine about suicide and now work with others. You are amazing and strong and you now will show your daughter what is NOT ok in a relationship!

  1. Stay strong. Stay stronger. Just keep fighting this and remembering. Never forget what he is and what he has done. He has lost the right to ever receive anything from you ever again. Ever again. Don’t ever forget that.

    It’s a difficult thing to say that I am happy you have taken these steps because these steps mean you have suffered mightily and I can’t be happy about the suffering that has resulted in the steps you’ve taken. But still … I am happy and only hope you stick with this. Don’t back down. Don’t recant. Don’t change your story.

    You have friends in places you don’t know. You have people who will support you you’ve never met. You will get through this with help you never thought imaginable. So just keep moving forward. One step at a time. You’ll get there.

  2. You are stronger than you realize. You have made the right decision. I know that it is not easy but just keep fighting for you and your son. Get that protective order and keep him away from you and your son. I will be praying for you!!

  3. Oh sweet baby girl I hear your pain. You will get through this it may take awhile but remember the only apologie you owe is to yourself. They don’t apologize and they don’t change. You will never get his aproval or the closure you deserve and crave. We are left broken and scared and so full of doubt that everything they said about us was true. In reality it wasn’t he forced his insecurities on you to bare in that there is shame but his shame not yours. If we can help one woman to be strong enough to leave and know she is worthy of a safe happy relationship then it wasn’t for nothing. In educating ourselves for future relationships and the sake of our children is the way we can be strong enough to give ourselves the life we deserve. God bless you and your children ♡ hugs add me as a friend I would love to chat.

      • I’m on Facebook, I was in mine for ten years as well and the charges were dismissed and we have a child together. Stay strong the court systems are uneducated in handling domestic violence and well likely try to get you to agree to visitation. It’s a battle stay sharp and strong. ♡

  4. Hay what you done was the best move ever its not easy leaving the raw emotions around the whole thing is terifing most people think that when you leave them that the end when it not its just the beginning being second questioned buy everyone proving the person is like what your saying they are after everything my ex done to me and my family I kept getting told there wasn’t enough to get a non mol the only way I could stay safe was to go and stay with my mum and dad
    I’m back home now but won’t to move its not my home any more its somewhere I put my head down the only reason I can now talk about this is my ex husband is on remand police found child porn all on his phone laptops so ATM my boy and me are safe for now I to stayed silent at first I didn’t won’t to believe he was a bad man but as time went by I could no longer ignore it and had to seek help for my safety most of all our sons safety good luck in the future if you can I know its hard but we are Victor’s not victims and telling our story’s hopefully will get the law changed and protect men and woman that have to live there lives in the shadows xxx

  5. Thank you for sharing I was with my ex for ten years i got out four years ago you are very brave day at a time be kind to yourself take time out to heal yourself

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