For ten years I stayed silent, holding in the pain and abuse you used on me and burrowing it deep within my soul. I became a master at hiding away my innermost feelings, quieting my cries for help until suddenly I couldn’t do it anymore. For the decade I spent with you I endured not only physical but verbal and emotional abuse and I can’t remember a single time you apologized. Not of your own accord. I remember each and every bruise, how I got it, how you responded. I recall all the times I cried for help, only to be met with silence. Or what’s worse, I remember each time I sought help, only to change my story or recant my statement. Never have I ever went all the way.
I feel like an empty shell right now. After you hit our five year old and then preceded to punch me in the face, I knew it was time to let you go. Time for me to change the lives of my children and I for the better. I reported you. I pressed charges. I took myself to the hospital. I took myself to get an order of protection. All of this I did without a second thought.
I’m still numb. I fear the day all the emotions hit me. I know in sadness I am weak and I can not be weak. You made your bed and I have to let you lie in it. I am sad and sorry this is the way our life together has ended. I always thought you could change and now I know I was wrong. You can’t change. And now, I won’t even give you a chance to.
Pray for me my friends. Pray for my children. I have no choice but to hold my own and be strong at all times.
I had once envisioned our life as happy and full of love. Now I still envision the happiness and love, however you’re not in that vision anymore. And right now I feel nothing.