When we talk it’s like talking to a robot. He seems to have no feelings. No emotions. He’s dead set on leaving. He says he doesn’t want to hurt me anymore. Why can’t I just accept it and move on? 

The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. 

Denial: I’m there. I keep thinking he’s going to just walk in the door and give me a kiss. Every time my phone rings I flinch thinking its him. I just want to feel like he cares I guess. 

Anger: I should be angry. There’s a lot I have to be angry for. But I’m not. I completely skipped the anger stage of grief. I almost wish it would come and take over the depression that has hit me. 

Bargaining: I refuse to do this. I normally do but this time I won’t. 

Depression: this is where I spend my days and nights. I cry at least three times an hour. I try not to cry every single minute. How did we end up here? Why can’t I shake the sadness? 

Acceptance: I want to accept that this is my life now. I need to accept this. I can’t. Regardless of all the wrong with us, somehow my heart still feels the love was right. 

I’m so sad today. 

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9 comments

  1. I am so sorry for this pain, it took me 6 months to accept. Be kind to yourself so many in this community told me and I’ll be forever grateful for the support.
    It’s hard to understand but you must focus on you. HUGS, it’s no easy. It is awful and painful. Take care and keep writing if it helps.💟

      • Hang in there! The days are dark and there aren’t enough tears that can make sense of any of it. This is by far the hardest thing I have experienced, it is an unplanned unexpected death, and so our of your control.
        I haven’t read more than this post, how long have you been dealing with this situation?

      • Sad is real, you have to feel, if you didn’t I would worry that you are not coping with reality. I didn’t move forward until I started to take care of myself.

        A month ago my immune system took a dive, I who never got sick had a rash that wouldn’t go away, I got a wart on my hand. (Sign of immune system issues) my doc was stoping by my workplace because he was concerned. I have lost 40lbs in 2 years–too much! I wasn’t sleeping more than a few hours a night. I have a son that needs me so something had to change.
        HUGS!

  2. Being sad is expected. If you weren’t, you wouldn’t be human. Something you put your faith in is over and that brings sadness. But don’t let this momentary sadness lead to actions or decisions you know are not the right ones for you.

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