I should be used to this feeling 

I am so overwhelmingly sad tonight, I keep thinking as I lay in my bed with my daughter. She’s hugging her two stuffed animals and getting ready for dreamland not knowing that next to her I’m trying my hardest not to cry. 

After talking to a friend, who is much smarter when it comes to break ups than I ever was, I realized something. Instead of allowing myself to be in charge of my happiness I let others rule it for me. Instead of doing what I wanted to do I did what I thought others expected of me. I have done nothing and yet I only have myself to blame. 

What makes change so hard? Is it the fear of the unknown? Because hell yeah I’m terrified of what tomorrow may bring. Is it the loneliness that creeps in once all is said and done? Maybe, maybe not. I’m more alone in my marriage than I’ve ever been single. 

I need to start living for me. I need to start doing things that make me happy, really happy. 

I just don’t know how or where to start. 

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