And The Monster Is Back

You are creeping into my soul, old friend. I feel you reaching inside me, grabbing whatever you can to try and get a better hold. I’m not fighting you today, I don’t have the strength.

After the daily battles with myself over what I do and say so as to not anger him, my energy is sparse. I can barely keep my eyes open as I write this however you, dear monster, won’t let me rest my eyes. My chest is constricting with each breath I take. It hurts to sit here and appear calm and able when really I am falling apart.

I knew you wouldn’t be gone for long.

The more I try to appease him, the stronger your hold on me gets. The more I attempt to change my behavior or watch what I say, the tighter your grip gets. Your long sharp claws are wreaking havoc on my heart.

And yet, I still don’t fight. Maybe a part of me deserves this uncomfortable feeling. Maybe a part of me needs to feel the pain. The pain, the hurt… they are the only things that help me think. Maybe if I feel them, fully feel them… I will leave.

I will leave…

 

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5 comments

  1. […] Monster, monster. We meet again. I don’t even want to know where you’ve been. It’s been a few weeks without you here, surprisingly. The world is still black but you haven’t made a peep. Why is that? Of course, you couldn’t stay away. You’re here with me tonight, as always taking my breath away. Like a weigh on my chest, except you’re inside me. Squeezing my lungs little by little. Is it because of the past few days events that brought you back my way? Or were you just hiding until you felt bored enough to make your presence known?  […]

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