You are creeping into my soul, old friend. I feel you reaching inside me, grabbing whatever you can to try and get a better hold. I’m not fighting you today, I don’t have the strength.
After the daily battles with myself over what I do and say so as to not anger him, my energy is sparse. I can barely keep my eyes open as I write this however you, dear monster, won’t let me rest my eyes. My chest is constricting with each breath I take. It hurts to sit here and appear calm and able when really I am falling apart.
I knew you wouldn’t be gone for long.
The more I try to appease him, the stronger your hold on me gets. The more I attempt to change my behavior or watch what I say, the tighter your grip gets. Your long sharp claws are wreaking havoc on my heart.
And yet, I still don’t fight. Maybe a part of me deserves this uncomfortable feeling. Maybe a part of me needs to feel the pain. The pain, the hurt… they are the only things that help me think. Maybe if I feel them, fully feel them… I will leave.
I will leave…