I am sick today, and it’s nothing viral or something that could be cured with meds. I am so upset with my husband, I am sick with it. I have no appetite whatsoever. In the past week I’ve eaten maybe one meal a day. Every time I even think about eating my stomach lurches.
Last night was the best night I’ve had in awhile. It’s been a long time since I’ve been around people who seem to genuinely want to be around me. Last night Heidi, Ant and I went to see Lights Out (no spoilers except OMG NOW I AM SLEEPING WITH THE LIGHTS ON FOR THE REST OF FOREVER!!!). It was a great movie I just hate horror and I think my eyes were closed for most of the scary parts haha.
Well afterwards we went to my apartment and were drinking and hanging out with Gabe and Brandon and it was still ok. I didn’t feel so alone for once and I was enjoying myself. Now I don’t remember the end of the night but I do remember somehow me and B wound up talking in the kitchen and to be honest I don’t even care who brought up the incident but he began arguing with me telling me it didn’t happen. I hate people like that. If you are going to do something, especially something as disrespectful as that, own up to it. Be a man and take responsibility for your actions. It was obvious that it didn’t bother my husband so why not just own up to your shit. He stood there and lied to my face and then to my husbands. And you know what makes me sick? My husband sat there and had his back, knowing how uncomfortable the situation was, knowing it makes me upset. He said nothing to him and got angry with me.
Who is this man, I wonder. He is not the man I fell in love with. I miss that man. He’s so angry and emotionless and uncaring. It is so hurtful to see his actions (or lack of) and hear his words (again- or lack of). I am so sad that my marriage seems over. Regardless of everything, I really want to make it work. But at the same time, I want my husband to want to make it work too and right now all he seems to say when I tell him I need him to make me a priority in his life is – well, I need me time and I am going to hang out with Brandon blah blah. And if I dare bring up the incident he just shuts down rolls his eyes or gives me silence.
When did I become so unimportant?