I am the dumbest person I know. After repeatedly telling myself that if he were to ever hit me again I’d call the cops and leave…. I didn’t. Nope. I didn’t leave, didn’t call the cops. Instead, I tried to talk to him. He ran. So I did a little searching (an angry wife is better than the FBI) and I figured that he’d be at Brandon‘s. Now I don’t have his address nor do I remember where exactly he lives but I do remember the round about area and I know what his car looks like. All that’s in my head right now is I want to talk. Anytime I’m in an argument with my husband I need to talk it out. I can’t eat sleep or think of anything else until I do. So I’m driving around the vicinity of Brandon’s house for about an hour, repeatedly calling my husband and texting my therapist and finally they drive right past me. So I follow them to his house and he still doesn’t want to talk. Doesn’t want to talk so much that he runs away. I figure he’s going to return so I wait down the block but I have a feeling Brandon saw me. I gave up and went back to my parents house. But I can’t stay here, and I know if I go home he’s just going to show up at 10 when he needs to go to work and expect me to be there to hand him my car keys so he can go. I really don’t want to do that but what other choice do I have?
I hate this part of me, where I can’t let him go. I don’t want to break up my family but is it really me the one doing the breaking? I just don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I have a feeling I’m suffering from battered womens syndrome. And it sucks.
I’ll write more once I can sort out exactly what I’m thinking, because at this point my mind is mush and all I can think abut is where my husband is and if he’s ok.