Everything is black around me. I’m lost in this space of emptiness that consumes my every waking moment. I can’t breathe. I can’t live. I can’t be.
I want to run away to some far off place where I’m wanted and needed and appreciated. Where people are less judgemental and more understanding.
I’m so scared of what tomorrow brings. I packed enough for a long trip to no where. I’m just terrified of the domino effect. If I go then what? If I stay though… When will the darkness fade to gray? When will I feel ok again? When will my husband see me? Really see me as I’ve been trying to get him to do for the past few weeks. When will anyone see me?
I’ve never been this gone before. So lost in depression I’m afraid of what my next move will be. I’m afraid of what will happen after I make said move. I’m walking through life terrified of everyone and everything. I don’t want to do this anymore.
It’s so black all the time. So dark. Dreary. Empty.
I’m a horrible person. I keep expecting my husband to realize how far gone I really am and make an initiative to do something about it. In my head, he doesn’t care or want me either so why would he? His actions have unfortunately not proven otherwise.
If I scream any louder do you think someone will hear me?
Do you think they will care?