For the First Time in Forever…

I’ve been depressed with low self-esteem for a while now. I wish I could say I’m used to it but every time I look in a mirror or put on my clothes I want to disappear. Today was the same as any other day… until I broke my glasses. I got lucky enough to get an appointment so off I went. I was seen fairly quickly and found a nice pair of glasses (FREE) even quicker. I got dilated and then as I was talking to the guy about ordering contacts (a first for me) I looked to my left and saw a beautiful young girl staring back at me. Curly brown/red/blonde hair shaping her somewhat round face. She had a slightly dimpled smile she flashed back at me. Looking more closely I saw her dimpled chin, and her broken glasses. The same broken glasses that I was wearing. The same because the girl was looking at me from a mirror. The girl was me. And for the first time in forever I felt like me. I felt beautiful and well kept. And I liked it.

You see, if you know me you know that I tend to dress to impress whether I’m going out with my girls, on a date with my husband, or to target I always make sure I’m dressed how I like, my hair is done, and I’m feeling great about me. I haven’t done that in years. It’s not that I haven’t wanted to. I just haven’t had the energy.

Today wasn’t much different from most days however I felt the need to dress close to how I used to, with a tight fitting black tank and a nice bright pink have sweater on top. My jeans are too big but they were all I had at the time. I had on sandals from ten years ago. I did my hair, curly (which I normally hate but eh I looked good today), slapped on some mascara and bright pink lipstick and went on with my day. I felt good. I felt great. I felt as close to me as I’ve felt in a very long time. And I loved it. Maybe it’s my eyes (since I’ve been dilated hmmm..) But I loved me today.

I even laughed uncontrollably with my husband. It was the greatest feeling. Laughing together, seeing his handsome smile looking at me. What a great break from the lowness I’ve been stuck in. What a great day to be me.

 

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5 thoughts on “For the First Time in Forever…

  1. I had a friend who I used to say this to: When you look in the mirror look at yourself the way the people who love you and care about you look at you. Not through your always critical eye. 😉

    And glad you laughed uncontrollably with your husband today. That’s an all too important, yet all too infrequent event.

    1. My problem is I’ve had a lot of emotional abuse and neglect in my life from the people who should love me so that doesn’t work with me. I wasn’t always this cynical about myself.

      And I’m still laughing. ❤️ can’t wait for therapy tomorrow haha

      1. OK. Then make up somebody. Create an imaginary person in your life who loves you just the way you want to be loved and imagine, when you look in the mirror, how they might see you.

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