This is new for me. This feeling. I can’t breathe. My heart is racing. I need to get out. This uncomfortable feeling that in a way paralyzes me, when I’m around groups of people I don’t know. It’s getting worse and worse.
This week was a challenge to say the least. I am back to being a stay at home mom- kids are driving me crazy already. My husband started his new over-night job. This anxiety that crept into my life out of no where. Stress could be the major factor here, but I’ve been stressed out before. I’ve had it way worse than I do now.
I know I was depressed for a while the end of last year, but things seem to be getting better. Everything with my husband and I is looking up and I am grateful for that. We still have small issues to work out but that’s marriage. We each took a vow… for better or for worse… and now that we’ve been through worse I am looking forward to the better.
On a side note: Man it feels good to write again. I take too much time getting caught up with life and with everyone else’s happiness and needs I
sometimes usually forget about myself. Maybe that is why this new anxiety seems to be getting the best of me. I always lose track of myself in the daily on goings.
I don’t believe in resolutions so I didn’t make any. But I did promise myself I would do more things for me. I would write more, I would read more, I would go to school, I would get away. I’ve done the school bit…. and that’s just about it.
I’ve had this idea in my head for some time now about a children’s book series I would like to write and publish. I wrote book one and stopped dead in my tracks. Not only do I need an illustrator, but I need to find a way to navigate the world of self-publishing. I don’t want to write this for fame or fortune. I want it for my kids.
I need some new books to read as well. Maybe I’ll try my hand at The Hunger Games since I just finished the movie series and absolutely loved it.
Maybe I’ll try my shot at acting some time this year. I’ve always wanted to do it and have no idea what stops me. Definitely need to look into that as well.
I need to email my pen pals also. I hate that I always let that fall into the far recesses of my mind.
And finally, I really really need to stop feeling bad for myself because I’m back on the stay-at-home mom wagon and I feel lonely again. YOU ARE WITH YOUR KIDS. SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY.
As a side note…
before writing this post I was
in mid-anxiety crisis.
I am surprised to find that after
writing just a few short paragraphs
I feel much calmer.