Marriage counseling

I went into our session nervous and scared of what this stranger would say about our relationship. Would she judge us? Could she understand? Will this work? I want nothing more than for this to save the broken pieces of my relationship with my husband.

It feels like a lost cause.
People dont change… Do they? Are they capable of such a selfless act? I have no answer for that. I hope it’s possible but how far is hope really going to get me?

 I left the session with high hopes that we are finally on the road to repairing the damage that has been worn into our relationship. I wish I could say I felt the same today. I slept an hour before work last night, bombed a quiz at school today, got disappointed again from my mom and then Gabe came home. All was well for about an hour. I dont know who this cruel man is. My Gabe was the sweetest man I ever met. Maybe Im doing something wrong to make him resort to calling me names all the time? They roll off his tongue so easily now. But in truth, that is not what kills me inside. We’re arguing about nothing important like always and I ask him do you want to just get divorced?

I dont care he says. 

All my life I’ve been put in the position where I am the only one to care. I dont think I can do it anymore. My pillow is soaked with empty lonely tears, yet he just rolls his eyes at my pain. I dont want to be sad anymore.

Wish I could say I was looking forward to our next session, however this has made me wonder if it’s even worth the time. Why an I fighting so hard for someone who is not fighting for me? Why is it so easy for him to let me go? Am I that bad of a woman to be with? What’s wrong with me?

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5 comments

  1. Don’t ever, ever think that it’s a question of what is wrong with you.

    I read this post and see so many similarities in my own experience. We went to a few counseling sessions a couple of years ago and the counselor pronounced us “healed” and I knew better. But that’s my experience and it doesn’t need to be yours. Give it a try. Give everything you have to making counseling works. And, if it doesn’t, it’s not because something is wrong with you.

    You have a right to be loved and respected and … you know, no matter how hard it has been for me, I’ve never called my wife names. I’ve never ridiculed her. If your husband can’t see that those things are unacceptable, he doesn’t deserve you … and it is not because there is something wrong with you.

    If he truly doesn’t care … that pretty much tells you what you need to know.

  2. Nothing has to be wrong with you in my opinion. Sometimes marriages simply don’t work. I grew up with a father for a priest and the understanding that “all marriages can be worked through.” After 8 years of marriage and a life of life… I can honestly tell you not all marriages work. But all marriages, good or bad, take a ton of work to make them last. There has to be strong blocks to begin with and if he is calling you names in such a manner… it seems those blocks are missing. My thoughts.

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