Mrs. Jada Smith could not have said it any better. You have to make you happy before you take care of anyone else because if you don’t, you will look to those around you for that happiness you are searching for. It is so true for me personally that as a mother I feel that my needs and my wants and my dreams aren’t even on the table. I feel like I need to take care of my husband and my children before I even think about myself. I’ve tried this for years and years and years and somehow at the end of the day there’s this piece of me that’s sad. A piece I try to fix every day, and I fail. Well, readers, I must do whatever it is I need to do to change that. I think slowly, I will. FOr years I’ve put off going back to school to finish my degree because I had kids or I had to worry about my husband and him going to school and as I sit here on break from a job that makes me miserable I wonder… why can’t I have it all? So now here I am, counting down the days til the semester starts and I can walk back into a classroom and be like “Christina, you have got this”. And I dream of the day, once I finish my degree and complete my dream of becoming an RN… the day I see the look of shock and surprise on my father’s face and hoping deep down that for once in my short lived life I have made him proud… I dream of this day that I make myself proud to. Even though it seems far off and I’m not going to lie, it seems like it will never happen I dream.
You know, dreaming can kill you. It’s been killing me for a long time. I’ve dreamed of doing so many things with myself and my life and I have accomplished none of them. Every day that piece of me is missing and I hate myself for it. And I resent those around me for it. But all that is going to change because I can have it all… one step at a time.