It’s the end of 2013 and oh what a year it has been. I accomplished nothing that I said I would and have only added to what seems like my endless debt. Though I was almost convinced the struggles of my marriage were over I recently got smacked in the face with truth and realized that they are only just beginning. Change. A small word with such meaning behind it. So simple to say but so utterly hard to achieve. Thinking about it hard only gives me one conclusion….
I’m happy with who I am.
There’s nothing I want to change in myself. …
Except my choices and the way I have gone about my life.
So I don’t want to exclaim that now is the time to make a change because honestly I should have made a change in my life ten years ago. I thought I knew everything and could walk on water. Boy was I wrong. These mistakes have continually taught me the same thing. Listen to that inner voice inside you. Let it run free. Your conscience is a powerful powerful thing. If I had listened to my gut all those years ago I wouldn’t be here. I’d be in California, or Hawaii, or Florida, or Puerto Rico, Spain maybe Europe. I’d be single. I probably wouldn’t be a mother yet. I’d have a bachelors en route to my masters. I would have seen much more of the world than Long Island.
But I can’t honestly say that I would change my past. The only thing I’ve ever wanted with my entire being is to be a mother. If changing any of my past would change that I wouldn’t dare touch it.
So now what? I can’t grab a time machine, not sure I would even want to… where do I go from here?
Well, I stop convincing myself that things are ok when I know they aren’t. I stop settling for less. I stop this nonsense of staying in my miserable marriage because its more convenient financially. I stop working for no reason and working instead to better myself. I stop letting my emotions rule me and instead look at choices objectively. I stop settling at all.
I don’t want to make a new years resolution. They work for the first week and then life gets in the way. But I do have some goals I want to accomplish in the coming year.
I want to see someplace new. Even if it’s just for a few days. Money is always tight but thats no reason not to take a plunge and just do something once in a while. (Sesame place is a definite this year and although that is someplace new I mean someplace other than a world of muppets and puppets and counting.)
I want to start a novel. I have so many ideas circling my head, so many short stories to turn into something spectacular. I want to publish something and see my words in print.
I should probably learn how to self publish an e- book.
I want to make more jewelry. I’m very creative and pretty crafty. I want to put my skills to use. Maybe even make an outfit for me and my daughter.
I want to see a beautiful sunrise, and have a tea at a beautiful sunset.
I want to go camping. Even though I hate bugs, I dont like tents and I don’t want to hunt for my food. I still want to experience the thrill of camping.
I want to take my daughter horseback riding.
I want to make new connections with people all over the world. (I’ve already started doing this and it has changed so much in my life. I am happier also because of the people I converse with via email. So thank you.
I want to inspire someone.
See. No resolutions. All attainable goals.
What are your plans for the New Year? Do you have a resolution? Will you accomplish it? Tell me.