I’m starting to think that we shouldn’t have gotten married. And I don’t say this to be cruel or spiteful or negative in any way. I say it because we don’t want any of the same things. I say it because I’m scared. I say it because it isn’t what I want to hear and usually that is what you need to hear.
You want to stay in NY I want to move down south.
You want to get settled in your career which can take anywhere from
two or more years before having another baby I’m not sure I have that much time to wait.
You leave me to myself at your family parties knowing I am
uncomfortable and that no one will talk to me I really wish you’d stop.
The list could go on. Maybe the first two I should have asked you about before we walked the aisle. Maybe I already knew the third. Maybe I thought I could change your mind. Maybe I thought you felt the same. Oh but that was so long ago. Things change. I understand that. People change. I get that too. Circumstances always change. This I know. The love I have for you has not changed. Throughout the years it may have changed but right now I love you. And I am hurt. And I am scared. And I am not sure if I’m willing to wait for our wants to intercept each other. I’ve been living to make you happy these past few months. So much so that I’ve begun to forget the happiness I need for myself. I matter. My heart matters.
Such painful decisions the lord bestows upon on.
Oh Bless me Lord,
For I have doubt,
Such freight and unknown,
has been bestowed
right upon me.
Which path to choose?
Which way is right?
Or will I never know?
To please you Lord,
it’s in my sight,
Oh Lord Please Help me so.