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Don’t sign on the dotted line.

I’m starting to think that we shouldn’t have gotten married. And I don’t say this to be cruel or spiteful or negative in any way. I say it because we don’t want any of the same things. I say it because I’m scared. I say it because it isn’t what I want to hear and usually that is what you need to hear.

 You want to stay in NY I want to move down south.
You want to get settled in your career which can take anywhere from
two or more years before having another baby 
I’m not sure I have that much time to wait.
You leave me to myself at your family parties knowing I am
uncomfortable and that no one will talk to me 
I really wish you’d stop. 

The list could go on. Maybe the first two I should have asked you about before we walked the aisle. Maybe I already knew the third. Maybe I thought I could change your mind. Maybe I thought you felt the same. Oh but that was so long ago. Things change. I understand that. People change. I get that too. Circumstances always change. This I know. The love I have for you has not changed. Throughout the years it may have changed but right now I love you. And I am hurt. And I am scared. And I am not sure if I’m willing to wait for our wants to intercept each other. I’ve been living to make you happy these past few months. So much so that I’ve begun to forget the happiness I need for myself. I matter. My heart matters.

Such painful decisions the lord bestows upon on.

Oh Bless me Lord,
For I have doubt,
and insecurities.
Such freight and unknown,
has been bestowed
right upon me.
Which path to choose?
Which way is right?
Or will I never know?
To please you Lord,
it’s in my sight,
Oh Lord Please Help me so.

Amen.

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12 thoughts on “Don’t sign on the dotted line.

    1. Im not so sure we can but thank you. He’s set on not having another baby until were financially set but to be honest your never financially set. We werent for our first and we made it. Sigh =( silently weeping since apparently im ridiculous for feeling this way.

      1. Not well. It gets worse instead of better. The reality is that we wanted the same thing for a time but, as you say, people change. I’ve spent the last 10-12 years moving away from all the things we both once wanted while still trying to give my wife what we had wanted. But it has got worse and I don’t know what to tell you other than this. Try to talk, communicate, listen, share and compromise. It’s worth it if you can find a solution.

      2. That’s one of my problems, too. I’d talk about this stuff all day long if I could. She just rolls her eyes and then cries when it gets too hard.

  1. I could feel your heart-felt prayer. I’ve been married over sixteen years and it’s not easy sometimes. It’s hard to know what the ‘right’ decision is for you. I hope your prayer provides some clarity.

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