And I can’t help but think maybe this wasn’t in His plan.

I’ve been having too many good days lately.

Seriously. I can’t even remember the last time I had a truly bad day…

Until today.

It’s like he woke up on the wrong side of the bed

Or like I couldn’t do anything right to him today.

And for a minute I was sorry for whatever I had done or had not done to have made him be cruel to me.

But then I thought. No. This isn’t the plan God had for me.

He wouldn’t want my husband to be so cruel to me and my daughter. He wouldn’t want any many to curse at his child or his wife. Or to be so physical with them.

So why was I sitting there putting up with it as though I should? As though it was my only choice.

But it’s not my only choice. Though for a while I stayed because financially without a doubt it’s easier. Who wants to raise a child alone with the rents so high and day care and food and diapers and one salary. No one would choose that until that choice may be the only one left.

And now I’m conflicted and confused. I’m frightened of making the wrong choice but what if I’ve been making the wrong choice all along?

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what else to say to him to get him to understand. He always seems to understand. But then the negative behavior begins all over again.

And now all I can help to think is maybe this wasn’t Gods plan at all. Maybe all the negative things that have happened have been God trying to make me see the light.

I pray. For now I pray and hold tight knowing that He has hold of my hand.

Send me, o Lord, the Angel of good thoughts,
so that He will enlighten the way of choosing my own path of life.
With your strength, touch the maze of my soul confused with all “the shouts of the world.”
Give me the power to recognize the rhythm of my own body
in which meets the heaven and the earth.
Bless my desires and help me to look at them
in the light of the Gospel.
You know me well,
help me to recognize your will and plan you have for me.
May your Holy Will be fulfilled in me.
Amen >

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