When you look in the mirror what do you see?
Well let me take a look.
I see a girl. I see depression.
I see confusion. I see need.
I see a multitude of emotions all buried deep inside me.
On the surface I see my looks,
I guess you may call them pretty.
Underneath there’s so much more
but where in there is the real me?
I see pain. I see love.
I see fantasy. I see dreams.
I see a very long list of things.
I wonder if, when you look at me, you see the joy in my life or the pain I try to hide. For instance, can you see the empty void of lonliness in my heart or is my smile sufficient enough to hide it? Do you see my pretty make up or the hidden streaks of tears? If you look at me can you tell how much I’m dying to be held? Or can you feel in my hugs that all is well? You see me smile, I feel it quiver. You see me laugh, is that good enough? Or have you even ever tried to get past the surface and see who I really am? Well… neither have I.
I’m my father’s temper, my mother’s rage.
My grandmothers brain, my grandfathers knowledge.
I am my uncles creativity, my aunts stupid decisions.
Or am I?
I am one of a kind. I am unique. So lets sit and get to know me. Without going through the details of my past (although you already know if you have read my blog) can you see the strength in me? The warrior princess of destiny. I am strong. I have been through things no one should know. I have felt, fallen, forgived, and slowly am learning to overcome. I am outgoing and shy. I am quiet and loud. I am simple and complex.
In all honesty, unless you talk to me, get to know me, How much can you really learn about me through a post?
When I look at my reflection I get disappointed. I don’t see my short hair, or the dark circles under my eyes. I see my failures, my lame attempts, and my regrets. I see hope overshadowed always by doubt. I feel insignificant and small. But still I don’t know who I am. And I am on the journey to find me.