“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.” ― Laurell K. Hamilton, Mistral’s Kiss

Thoughts of my husband make me sad. I know he loves me. I know he cares. But since actions speak louder than words maybe what I know is just a false reality. I don’t feel the love and affection I felt years ago. Honestly I don’t feel much of anything. My husband can be so angry so mean. Lately those are the only traits of his that tend to stick out.

Is it a crime to want to be loved and shown how much you are loved. Even if its only sometimes that would be way better than never. He loved me once. When will he love me again?

But that’s not all that saddens me. Of course like so many others my job saddens me. My hours make it so that the only time I do see my husband is when he walks out the door in the morning or right before he falls asleep. We don’t spend any time together. What troubles me more is that I feel like I have no time with my daughter. And if yolo is the new phrase if truly rather spend my life with her than in a mundane job but what can I do. I have to work and I love working though I hate my job.

Hence the other thing that saddens me is how mundane my job is and how much I feel unneeded. But like I said. What can I do.

And of course no matter how much we were its never enough. We 20k in debt and the numbers keep rising. But what else can I do? Can’t get a second job.

Oh life. That’s life. I suppose


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